


Lilac

by twerkingkanaya



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Douchestuck, F/F, Humanstuck, Mentions of homophobia, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-14
Updated: 2014-01-14
Packaged: 2018-01-08 18:06:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1135788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twerkingkanaya/pseuds/twerkingkanaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanaya Maryam had always appreciated the different colours in her life. The colours that made up the fabric of her clothes, the colours that she got to see every day as she lived life, and the colours that she could feel in her soul.<br/>Everything seemed to turn a dull shade of grey around Rose Lalonde, but it always left Kanaya hanging on for more. Always.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lilac

**Author's Note:**

> I've been meaning to write a Rosemary douchestuck AU fic for a really long time, and I'm really glad it's finally done. I may or may not add a part two if inspiration hits me!

 

The fluorescent shades of orange that filled the hallways early in the mornings were always a pleasant sight to Kanaya. She loved everything about the sun, the heat, and the vibrant colour palette it brought on a daily basis. It inspired her in a way, even if the only clothes she dared to wear were from expensive brands. It had been this way since she began middle school, and decided that the only way to fit in with the popular kids was by spending hundreds of dollars on simple t-shirts and the like. Along the way when she chose that route, she lost her childhood best friend.

Rose Lalonde.

 

~~~

 

“Rose! Rose! Here!” She shouted excitedly as she grabbed her hand, leading her through the density of greens and browns as they traversed through bushes. Kanaya was intent on showing her the secret spot she found the other day, and seeing as it was Rose’s 7th birthday, it only seemed appropriate to show her on this very day. “Kanayaaa, it’s so far away... are you sure it’s going to be worth it?” Rose groaned begrudgingly as she watched her best friend run without even breaking a sweat. She had always been jealous of how the young latina never seemed to run out of energy, but at the same time, how could she be annoyed with her when she was trying to do something special for her on her birthday?

 

Before she could grumble further about how her feet ached and her sweat was starting to bother her, the sight before her took her breath away. It was a vast lake, with cicadas chirping and the gentle hum of the breeze traversing over the crystal blue of the lake. “...Wow.” Was all she could muster as she let go of Kanaya’s hand to take a few steps forward to get closer to the water. “I think this is the best present I’ve ever received.”

All Kanaya could do was grin, pleased with herself, as she ran to stand beside her once more.

 

~~~

 

Her thumbs were hovering over her keypad as she tried to come up with a witty text to send to Karkat. He was telling her about how he failed his math test (for the umpteenth time that semester), and she couldn’t help but take the opportunity to try and come up with a clever insult. This was just the sort of casual banter they had most days.

 

Before she could begin typing, she let out a fake gasp as she watched Rose walk past her. Kanaya was currently situated on a bench in the hallway, as she had a free period, and was using this bench to critique all the students who were walking by on their fashion choices. After hearing her sound of horror, the blonde stopped dead in her tracks to look down at the latina. “Oh, I’m sorry. Does my outfit offend your delicate fashionista vision?” The sarcasm dripped off her tongue as she spoke. “...Yes. Actually. I’m pretty sure certain people may be blinded after seeing the loud tones of violet on that cat sweater.” She simply glared as she spat on her shoe, which sent her into a fit of rage as she stood up to throw a feeble swing at her face.

 

Before she could hit Lalonde, she had quickly sidestepped, leaving Kanaya to trip over her own feet as she walked away.

 

It kind of hurt to think that at one point they were friends.

 

~~~

 

The rain seemed to patter against the school roof delicately, like gentle fingertips drumming, as a pale blue light filtered through the window to fill Kanaya’s vision as she lay there on the floor. Blood was pooling at the side of her face, out from her nose and a few drops falling across her face from the small cuts that littered her jaw. Her face was bruised, and she swore that at that current moment in time, death would be preferable.

 

It was hard being a teenager coming out of the closet in high school. It was hard, and no one understood.

 

~~~

 

“Oh my god, there’s that dyke. I wonder if she’s actually ever fucked a girl?” A group of girls and boys sneered as Kanaya passed them in the empty hallway at the end of the school building. Kanaya happened to be at her locker getting ready to go home when the gang walked by, most likely also going home. This time, a pure silence filled the air as she didn’t look up, or react to their stinging words. It was slightly terrifying, more than anything. She just kept on telling herself in her head; ‘Don’t look at them, don’t look scared, and try and escape’. The few seconds afterwards were the few seconds that would be permanently burnt into her mind. A holler was heard as she heard heavy footsteps stride over to her. Then, a sudden harsh blow to her cheek. She was in a whitened daze as she stumbled, and then fell against her locker until slowly sliding to the floor. A white noise filled her ears as she struggled to get up, mostly because there was a weight on top of her pinning her to the floor. The rest of it was a blur, but it must have been a team effort from what she could remember.

 

She never wanted this, she never asked to be this way. Being attracted to girls was a curse, she was convinced. A curse that would follow her for the rest of her life, and differentiate her from her peers to the point of being exiled and humiliated like this.

 

~~~

 

When she awoke a few hours later, she was greeted by the feeling of a lumpy hospital bed and shooting pains all over her body. A feeble cough escaped her as she tried to prop herself up, but she failed in that task and was immediately falling back into her pillow.

 

“Shh, Kanaya, don’t stress. Please rest.” Delicate words graced her ears as she squinted towards the dim lights in the room. It was an unfamiliar voice, but at the same time, one that made her feel nostalgic. She mumbled inaudible words asking about her whereabouts as she slowly turned her neck to face the source of the voice.  Her eyes immediately widened, and she felt her mouth go dry as she was greeted by the (slightly blurry) sight of Rose. “...What ar-” “I found you. I stopped them from harming you any further. I took you here. You are now currently at the local hospital. Do you need to question me on anything else that has just occurred?” Kanaya inhaled silently through her mouth as her eyes drifted to the sight of a case enclosing Rose’s arm, and a bruise on her cheek. The worried look that tugged at her face was enough to let Rose know about her next question. “Yes, all five of them put up quite the fight, but luckily my mother’s self defence classes were finally proved useful when applied to a violent situation.” It took a while for Kanaya to process this information. She had gone through a certain amount of pain too, just to save her? After all the snide comments Kanaya had spat at her, after all of their fights, and after all of the emotional damage that came with their friendship split? “But... why? You could have just left me for dead. I’m sure you would’ve enjoyed that sight.” Rose’s eyes darted to the floor as she tried to muster a response. For once, the most intellectually abled girl in the school was left unsure of a response to a question. “I never stopped caring about you, Kanaya. While I hate to admit it, a part of me will never forget the times we shared, and I couldn’t let myself be a coward. I’d like to think that if I was in the same situation, you would help me too.”

 

In the silent milliseconds that hung between her words, Kanaya could feel something growing in the pits of her stomach. Something akin to affection. When she stopped speaking, all of a sudden, it was as if an intense burden had been lifted from her mind. The reason why she found it difficult to handle her as a friend in her early adolescence, was because she always wanted something more. Something that she could never admit to wanting, but yet, something she always subconsciously knew she needed in her life.

 

The school fashionista, Kanaya Maryam, had just fallen hopelessly in love with the school nerd, Rose Lalonde, in a matter of seconds.

 

“Thank you. I appreciate that.” She gingerly smiled as she looked up at her, and for the first time in years, Rose smiled back.

 

~~~

 

It was a week since the incident, and although a lot of her upper body was bandaged and bruised, she still managed to pull off wearing the clothes she owned without revealing too much about her run-in. She stood by Rose’s locker, waiting patiently for the girl to arrive. Kanaya wasn’t exactly a smooth operator when it came to women, but she was intent on making this work out. Would it be awkward at first? Most likely, yes, but she was convinced she would be able to work through that stage. She beamed as she looked up from the phone in the palm of her hand to see the other girl making her way towards her. “Rose.” She leaned, as casually as possible, beside the girls locker as she watched her stack her books into the cramped grey metal confinements. She barely looked up as she answered the girls. “What.” Kanaya pretended to not notice the //uncaring// tone in her voice as she began her presupposition. “I was thinking, maybe we should go and get a coffee sometime? Or if that’s not your sort of thing, we could just... I don’t know. Hang out I guess?” She raised her eyebrows with a smug smirk as she expected a positive reaction to her question. I mean, how couldn’t she love that? 

 

“...No thank you. I’d rather not be subjected to an afternoon of unwanted socialising with you, of all people.” She closed her locker with force as she hastily began to stroll away, until Kanaya gripped her by the shoulder to stop her. “What do you mean!? I thought you said you cared, and-” “You hurt me. You tormented me. You basically bullied me just for the chance to ‘fit in’, without ever once considering my feelings. Yes, that was years ago, but I’m not sure if I can ever forgive you for making me an outcast. Let me go.” The venom she spat from her lips hurt Kanaya, and she could feel the rims of her eyes stinging as she let her walk away. She never realised the true extent of the emotional damage she caused,  but now she did. She really didn’t like having that knowledge.

 

~~~

 

It was a dull saturday night when Kanaya’s phone vibrated on her nightstand. The sky was pitch black, and littered with the odd handful of constellations, portrayed with powerful whites and electric indigo glows surrounding them. She was standing on her balcony, admiring their patterns, until the distant sound of buzzing caught her attention. It only took a few steps until she reached her nightstand, and when she did, she was shocked to see the caller ID. ‘Rose Lalonde’ was illuminated on her screen, and with shaky hands, she cautiously picked up.

“Hello?”

“Ka-...Kamayaaa! Hiii! How’re you?”

Rose was sent into a fit of giggles as she spoke, and Kanaya could only let out an exasperated sigh as she reluctantly carried on. She didn’t think that alcoholism was something that ran in her family, until now.

“...I’m okay. You, on the other hand, don’t sound too well. Maybe you shouldn’t be calling me at this time of-”

“Nonsense! I’m fiiine. Babe, I just wanted to tell you...”

She called her babe, and her heat did little tumble-turns as she eagerly listened, but her excitement soon turned into concern as she heard a muffled sob on the other line.

“Rose...? Are you, are you... okay?”

She fumbled over her words as the intensity of the situation got worse. Her legs were trembling as she silently prayed for her to be okay.

“I loved you. E-Emph-Emphasis on the _loved..._ ”

The mumbled stuttered words that rung throughout her mind made her want to cry.

“...I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I mean, it’s not really, I guess, your fault... I’m kind of a shitty person.”

Before she could retaliate, the line was cut dead. Rose had hung up.

 

~~~

 

The monday afterwards was a considerably painful one. Kanaya had spent the entire weekend worrying about Rose, and what she said to her. She was afraid, more than anything. She had lured the girl in to love her, and then shrugged her off in favour of the popular crew, and it was haunting her to no end.

 

The fact that she had third period with Rose had completely slipped her mind, and she silently cursed herself as she came to realise it when she walked into the classroom. Everything hurt. Her heart, her chest, her face, and there was a slight jolting pain in her leg from the kicks she received no too long ago. The story of the beating was heard by everyone all over the school, some people gave her pitying walks when she walked by, most just stared.

 

Because what the hell did they know about being in that position?

 

She didn’t have time to feel self conscious about the looks she received though, right now, her mind was fuzzy and her vision felt blurred. She knew she shouldn’t have been scared of her, but-

 

Oh god.

There she was.

 

She glided in effortlessly, simply just existing amongst the horrendous uncertainties that came with being in high school, and it made Kanaya feel sick. Something in her stomach had flipped, and she now felt nauseous just looking at her, and the glare she got from her only made it worse. Rose took her seat, and Kanaya sat behind her, much to the girl’s distaste. She tapped her shoulder lightly. “Lalonde... are you ok?” While Rose remained completely neutral, as per usual, Kanaya swore she could hear a seething tone in her voice. “I’m not interested in talking to you.” She turned around to face her, looking staring her down before she began speaking again. “Don’t you _dare_  take my call as any indication to my current feelings. If you’re going to attempt to make me participate in your ludicrous mind games, I will decline and leave before you’ve even realised I’ve left.”

 

“Move on, Kanaya.”

 

She turned around, and Kanaya felt non-existent. She felt like a floating grey enigma of pathetic heartbreak, and nothing around her seemed to be graced by light anymore.

 

All of a sudden, fashion didn’t matter, gossip didn’t matter, ugly sweaters didn’t matter, breathing didn’t even matter.

 

Life without the light in her life suddenly seemed pointless.


End file.
